The Golden Globes

So I'm watching The Golden Globes tonight I'm listening to all the speeches, and enjoying the fashion, and seeing all the stars.  Will I ever be there some day?  I can only hope and pray to God.  If I am that blessed one day I don't even know how I would handle that.  But some thing that keeps coming to my mind is whether I would remember to thank my Lord and Savior.  In all the hustle and bustle of winning an award - will God be the first thing on my mind? I would love to say yes.  I hope He would be.  It is a prayer I have that God will continue to be my first and foremost in everything.  Will he be yours?

What did I do?

I don't get it.  My friends know I'm at my apartment and know that I don't have anything to do today.  I ask them to call me if anything happens.  No one calls.  Only later do I find out that they went to see a movie and the text I get, "Sorry I didn't text you back..." It's just kind of frustrating, because the first thing I do when I know something is happening is call other people.  It just sucks to feel left out.

Ups and Downs

Already this semester is heading downhill...it is going to probably be the hardest semester of my college career.  Part of it is my fault - but part of it is the teachers fault for not realizing that their students have 17 credit hours and that theirs isn't at the top of that list.

But on an "up" note - I'm hoping to start a Bible/book study/ accountability thing.  Accountability is something I've had in the past, but never in the city I'm living in.  It's always been over the phone or a quick dinner when I'm in town.  But this time I want it to be different.  I need to be completely open to this guy - that is what its going to take for me to change.  There's so much about myself that I need to change, and sometimes I feel like I'm at the last straw before I go over...Depression is never something I'd say I've struggled with, but lately it's been hard to put a smile on.  I need someone I can talk to on a face-to-face intimate level, who understands and won't judge me.  I really hope it works out because it could really be life changing.

Today was Hard

So today (or yesterday cause it's after midnight) was my last first day of my last semester of school.  The weird part is that I was expecting it to be hard because of all the memories and that bittersweet feeling.  But instead it was hard, because I just want to get out, and starting today just reminded me that I am four months away from getting out and I still have to do a ton of work before the real world gets here.  This semester I have to read nineteen novels (like Jane Eyre and The Scarlett Letter type novels) and thirteen plays and write roughly 30 papers.  It's just going to be a bitch of a semester and I don't really know forsee it being easy.  It actually may be one of my hardest semesters.  Shit the real world better be worth it...haha

KCACTF

I just got back from a very busy 4 days in East Lansing MI for the Kennedy Center American College Theatre Festival Region III.  It was a great week of acting, design, directing, and learning.  I went at Jenny Reber's scene partner for the Irene Ryan Acting Scholarship competition.  We had to prepare two scenes and then she had to have a monologue ready.  We never made it past the first round, but we had a great time working together, and I was very happy that she asked me to be her scene partner.  So after the we found out we didn't make it to the second round I was able to relax and go to workshops and see shows.  It was a great time and it really allowed me to realize once more that I am on the right track, because I love theatre.  However I am simply exhausted! First off I was not feeling the greatest so that didn't help, and I had to sleep in a hotel bed, and it's just not the same.  Secondly it is just a jam packed week of workshops and shows and little sleep.  All in all it was a great time - but I am very happy to get back and start my last semester of college.  Holy crap that's a crazy sentence to say...the real world is so close I can smell it!

Inhale Grace; Exhale Gratitude

I learned today that a wonderful professor Dr. Scott Johnson passed away from non-Hodgkin lymphoma yesterday around 11am.  He always had a smile on his face and a word of encouragement.  I had three classes with him, and he definitely shaped me.  He was a wonderful man of the Lord and lived his life for God from alpha to omega, beginning to the end.  He is now in a place where there is no pain and suffering only rejoicing with his God.  My heart goes out to his wife Carolynn she is a strong woman and I pray that God will give her peace and comfort that only He can give in this time. 

Dr. Scott always said, "Inhale Grace, Exhale Gratitude" when times got rough, but he also said it when the sun was shinning, when things were going our way, it was truly his motto and I will forever remember him through this phrase.  He has made his mark on Bethel College's campus and will be forever missed. 

Home

I've had a hard time lately knowing where my home it.  I usually start thinking about this after a break.  Being home in Naperville, IL is so wonderful.  It's comfortable and I grew up there, but it's also so infuriating to live in 'Naperworld' after I've gotten out of it.  The people in 'Naperworld' don't realize that there is so much more to the world than having the latest car and the newest iphone crap. 

Then I have my Bethel world.  I've been here for three and a half years and this has become what I call home because the people here understand me.  I am able to be me, and those who love me accept me as I am and challenge me to become a better person.  I know I won't be judged for how I act.  Especially when I moved into my own apartment, this place became what I longed for as my home. 

Then there is the fact that I know I have to give this Bethel home up in about five months, and move on to other things.  If I get into a theatre in Chicago then I will be challenged with my 'Naperworld' home again, but if not I will most likely be moving around for awhile and will need to create a new home as often as every couple of months.

Also I would love to make a home in New York before too long.  It will probably be one of the hardest choices I will have to make because of the risk of failure, but it's thrilling at the same time.  So where is my home?  It will always and forever be where my parents are, but it will also be spread all around the country because little pieces of my heart are spread all over the place, and it's sort of comforting to know that.