a wandering mind

So I'm sitting in the most boring class I've ever had - so my mind wanders...here are the wanderings of my mind.

God is so good.
He has asked me to fully rely on Him, and I feel like I've finally done it.  I don't need anyone else.  I love my friends, but currently Christ is all I need.  He is good.
I'm working through Hosea right now.  Through reading this, I've discovered that if God can ask one of his beloved prophets to marry a prostitute and still have a divine plan, than I should be able to do whatever God asks of me.  I have no reason to hold back.  Hosea must have been almost heartbroken knowing that he is going to marry someone who is unfaithful, but because God asked him to, Hosea was willing.  God has asked me to let go of certain things in my life that I've always held on to.  It was so hard, but now that I feel like I've succeeded I couldn't be happier.
I can say with confidence that God is my number one.  He is all that I need, everything else can fade away and I will still be able to live on, because God is all I need.  The thing that makes my heart full, is knowing how awful I've been, and yet God still wants to love me.  He wants a relationship with me, and has always been there holding me even when I didn't see feel Him.

God is so good

I wonder

Do I put too much stock and value in my friendships? Sometimes I feel as if I cling too much to my friendships and rely to much on my relationships with other people to get me through.  I know that I need to rely on God for everything, and cast all my cares on him.  But lately I feel like I've been putting far too much stock in my friends.  I came across this revelation because I find that I get upset when my friends make certain choices that I don't necessarily agree with.  I know that seems almost silly - but I do I put too much stock in the choices my friends make.  I get worked up and too involved in their lives.

The thing I don't know how to do is take a step back.   

I wish life was different

I don't want or need my life to be easier...i understand that it's going to be difficult - but sometimes I wish it were different.  I can't seem to hold on to my guy friends.  I don't think I am doing anything to push them away, they just seem to move on to someone else.  I get close to a guy and ask him to maybe do a Bible study or to hold me accountable for things and somehow over time I feel like he doesn't care anymore.  And when I ask if he wants to get together it always seems like I'm bugging him, or that he has to clear part of his schedule to hang out with me.  But if another friend asks him to hang out - he gladly goes without a second thought.  And do either of them think about inviting me...no.  I don't know maybe I should just stop trying.  I only have 2ish months left in school - so is it even worth it? I really sucks though because I considered this guy to be my best guy friend - and that doesn't happen very often.  And I know in my life I need a solid Christian guy in my life - but no matter who that is I always somehow lose them to someone else.  I need to get out of Bethel.